Captain Math
Lyrics by Pete Muller
Sung to the tune of “Captain Jack” by Billy Joel
Written for and performed at the 2015 MoMath Gala
It’s Saturday night and you’re still hanging around
Tiring of living in this innumerate town
You’d like to find a little place that’s profound, for a while
So you go to the museum with the Square-Wheeled Trike
It rolls cause its center stays at constant height
And it looks like you might have some fun tonight, and you smile
Captain Math will get you high tonight
And take you to your special island
Captain Math will explain why tonight
Just a few String Products and you’ll be smilin’
Your sister’s gone out, she’s on a date
You go to the MoMath and tessellate
Stacking monkeys to the ceiling just feels great, but that’s not all
You wander downstairs to the Human Tree
And look at yourself recursively
It keeps on going ’til infinity, you’re so tall
Captain Math will get you high tonight
And take you to your special island
Captain Math will touch the sky tonight
Just a little fractal geometry and you’ll be smilin’
There’s a chill in the air, you need to get warm
So you pay a visit to the Robot Swarm
And get yourself chased by mechanical life forms, for a while
At the Structure Studio, you’re drawing a crowd
Your stick and ball sculpture would make Calatrava proud
“Now build the Chords Bridge,” some heckler shouts, and you smile
Captain Math will get you high tonight
And take you to your special island
Captain Math will derive pi tonight
It’s three point one four one five nine 265358…
Time to pay a visit to the Enigma Café
Scratch your head at the puzzles, there’s got to be a way
It feels like you’ve gone to Math Heaven for a day
And if you can’t understand why I’m doing this show
Well, I want you to reach into your pockets, and give MoMath some dough
You’re just the right crowd to help this institution grow
Captain Math will get you high tonight
And take you to your special island
Captain Math will show you a good time tonight
Just a little fundraising, and you’ll be smiling